Ew. One of the fellows mentioned in this article I, uh, dated at some length.

Just got invited to a friend’s party. Lucky me, he’s co-hosting with a guy I went on an awkward date with. (One of these things is not like the other: New Balance gym shoes, backpack, dinner at an upscale restaurant.)

Anyway, things with J. are good. Just booked tickets to spend 10 days over Christmas with his very cool family.

I was watching a TED Talk yesterday when I was struck by a sense of recognition. Where had I seen this speaker before?

Oh yeah, we had lame date.

Q: How did I get on the mass mailing list of a recruiter?

A: Went on a date with him half a year ago. Eyeroll.

One of my friends who I talked into online dating is now going out with the guy with the gentle smile. They’re both great, so I’m cheering for them

In other online dating news, my sister A. finally went online, choosing a username whose sole purpose is to indicate that she’s my sister, lest any guy try to date her after having dated me. In a further effort to shame me for my history of dating too much, she has taken to sending me profiles of guys she’s potentially interested in and including the demand, “Did you sleep with this one?!”

“You say ’slept with,’” I replied calmly. “I say pre-screened.”

My friend told me a story a few months back. I wish I could remember all the glorious details, but suffice it to say that:

In college, a guy asked her out.

At the restaurant, she ordered an entree and a beverage.

He simply ordered a glass of milk. He then proceeded to retrieve a baggie of cereal and a ceramic bowl from his backpack.

I went to a bar last night with my sister, A. As we talked, I kept glancing at the guy behind her, wondering if I knew him.

“I might have gone on a date with that guy,” I mused.

“Yes, you have,” A. declared.

“Wait, how do you know?”

“Before you got here, F. and I were talking with him. He asked F. how he and I knew each other, and F. said ‘my brother dated her sister, just like you did.’”

“What? How did F. know I’d dated him?”

“Oh, he didn’t. He just assumed. But apparently he was right.”

Some updates:

J. and I went to a ::cough:: math competition a couple weeks ago. In the group of about 50 people, I managed to find an ex, a date, and a guy I recognized from a dating site. This has led poor J. to start stories like, “So, my friend Craig…actually, have you dated him?”

Oh, and we won the math competition

Two days ago, I had dinner with a female friend of mine. She’s recently begun trying her hand at online dating and apparently asked the guy she’s dating whether he knew me. No, he reported, but he recognized me from a couple dating sites. Because of this I’ve started dreaming about running into people I recognize from dating sites, but don’t actually know.

And then yesterday, I crossed paths with stomach flu guy while leaving work. I tried to contort my face so as to look like somewhat else (WTF?!?), then I fled the scene. Since I read that his company recently laid off 75% of its workforce, I’m praying he’s not interviewing for a new job in my building.

Anyway, the long-suffering J. continues to be better than I deserve. His dossier now includes the killing of 2 spiders, the gift of 2 bouquets of flowers and 6 jars of gourmet peanut butter (!), use of the word “pulchritude,” and only mostly dissolving into laughter when, as we lay in bed together, I exclaimed, “Oh, hey, guess what percentage of the South Korean GDP goes towards education!”

So, I’m on a site that’s a combination of dating and social networking. Once I started dating J., though, I changed my status to “seeing someone.”

Some guys still hit on me, having missed that label. So I also updated the first line of my profile to explain in no uncertain terms that I was happily in a relationship.

Some guys still hit on me, having merely glanced at my pictures. So I also took down all the pictures except one that does little more than blurrily confirm I’m humanoid.

And today, I get this email:

WOW!! Thank God i finally contacted you.. I have been looking at your profile for hours and had to register so as to contact you. You look gorgeous and younger than your age. I admit the fact that you are adorable!!.. why are you still single? I would like to know more about you if you don’t mind. You can reach me directly and tell me more about yourself at [email address].
You can also chat with me directly online via yahoo [username]

wisdom

Ugh. Moron.

On Saturday, J. and I wound up our vacation in a tiny town (population 20,000) about five or six hours from home. As we strolled towards dinner, my jaw dropped at the sight of a strangely familiar ectomorph.

“Farwell?!?”

He swiveled around in surprise and we spoke for an awkward moment before parting ways again.

“Who was that?” J. asked.

“Three guesses,” I replied. Somehow, even hundreds of miles from home, I can still run into guys I’ve dated.

Anyway, J. and I continued to dinner, followed by a play. As we sat in our assigned seats waiting for the play to start, a woman in her fifties stopped dead in her tracks in front of J. Inspired by J.’s vaguely nerdy shirt, she discussed her grandson’s interests and idiosyncrasies at great length. Then she abruptly morphed into an unsolicited fortune teller, apprising us that J. and I are soulmates, that he will be a great father, and that she could already see our children.

“We’ve only been dating a month,” J. informed her.

“Oh, but I can just tell.”

“Well, then,” J. remarked to me, “I guess we’d better get on that.”

“What’s your name?” I broke in.

“Why?”

“Because you’re like the Jewish grandmother I never had.”

“Oh,” she reflected. “Well, I am Jewish, but my kids are Wiccan.”