My sister and I joined the same dating site and were quickly horrified to find that not one, but TWO different guys had contacted both of us. Luckily we realized before it turned into a really cringe-worthy movie script. So she emailed each of them saying something to the effect of, “Thanks for your email, but why don’t you see how things go with my sister.”

I ended up dating one of them for about three months. Then, about 24 hours after I broke it off, my sister called. He had emailed her again, apparently hoping that sister #2 would serve as a satisfactory replacement for sister #1.

Nice.

Received an email from some guy on a dating site:

So, I’ve noticed a lot of the quality women seem to wait for a second e-mail to respond.

This is your second e-mail…

[The guy]

Impersonal? Check. Arrogant? Check. Extra credit for mentioning other women in a two-sentence email.

Well, at least I’m a “quality woman,” whatever that means.

Actually, I can guess what that means. The difference between us is an anorexic teenage girl, i.e., 15 years and 80 lbs.

This entry is inspired by a Facebook status update: today I learned that the suitor in the story below is now engaged. Congrats! Now without further ado…

On date number two, he tried to liquor me up and put the moves on me. He wasn’t picking up on my discomfort and lack of interest, so finally I gritted my teeth and explained as gingerly as I could manage that I had something of a type that I’m attracted to and that unfortunately he didn’t didn’t align with that type.

He seemed a little disappointed, but offered helpfully, “Well, even if you don’t want to date, we can still hook up…”

A friend of mine was doing the online dating thing. Along the way, some guy asked her out, they had a date, and then she never heard from him again.

So far, not entirely unusual.

Several months passed. After a short-term relationship with another guy, she returned online and the just-one-date guy asked her out again. From the tone of his email, it’s clear he didn’t realize that he had already been on a date with her.

I told her to write back, “OK, how about we meet at Zeitgeist on September 15 of last year? Oh wait, WE ALREADY DID.”

I once had blue hair. And I once got asked out on the (explicit) grounds that I reminded the guy of an anime character from Sailor Moon. Sigh.

It’s our second date or so. As dinner winds up, I ask if he wants to go get some proverbial coffee.

What I’m hoping to communicate is, “Let’s get some coffee, tea, or any other beverage that is compatible with conversation.”

But he looks at me with wide eyes, clearly scandalized.

“What?!” I demand, confused at his expression.

“Proverbial coffee means sex.”

Sure, he makes video games for a living…but he dresses nicely and plays guitar. He can’t be that nerdy, right?

Then he shows up wearing a custom messenger bag that looks like an old-school Nintendo controller. Well, that’s still kinda charming, right?

Then he pulls out of fistful of twenty-sided dice.

I couldn’t stop myself from shouting, “Oh, no! Minus three charisma!”

Got a story that defies social convention, credibility, or all logic? Please let us know! We welcome reader submissions. And if we share your story, we’ll be happy to grant you whatever level of anonymity feels comfortable. Email datingdonts@gmail.com.

A female reader writes:

“One time I was asked out (online) by a guy who was pleased to share with me that he was straight, not gay, and in fact he hadn’t slept with a man for over a year. Oh, San Francisco.”