My mother reports that a male friend of hers asked out a girl….and then mistakenly took her to a gay bar.

Apparently gay bars aren’t the worst of venues, because the couple is now married.

You may have noticed that my posts have begun slowing down. That’s because I’ve stated dating that guy who attends nerdy talks (like me) and owns a DeLorean (unlike me).

But every silver lining has a cloud, and here is mine: because he’s so kind and socially adept, I’m going to have to rise to meet his example.

I’m exhausted just thinking about it.

A PhD student asked me out for coffee a couple weeks ago. Although I sensed he was sorta weird, I again subscribed to the philosophy of “why not” and assented. Well, my suspicions were quickly confirmed as we had an awkward meeting characterized by his repeatedly grabbing my shoulder and my repeatedly stiffening with discomfort. When we parted ways, I was relieved and figured that would be the end of it. But a few hours later I got this epic email:

As much as I strive to keep my understanding open-ended and expand options rather than closing them, I often process emotion through as much analytic as I can find and often make presumptuous conclusions.

It took me till the epilogue of our interaction to notice, but your smile is the most expressive I’ve ever had chance to receive. You have so many subtle variations that it would cheapen my appreciation if I assume to understand the thought and emotion behind them after such a brief interaction.

If it wasn’t obvious… This morning I woke up with an un-fulfilled desire for intimacy, and despite my better judgement signed on to [the dating site] in an attempt to talk to someone I found attractive and I thought might share some values with. So quite simply I saw a cute face on your profile, a few more pictures that also included an attractive figure, the words “quircky” “reflective” and that you were agnostic. On that basis I sent you a message. Within our online conversation (or rather your witty rebuttals to my attempts to flirt) I made the quick assumption there was enough light-heartedness and whit to possibly carry a conversation in person.

I say that, first to apologize for not taking the time to read your profile (it subsequently just made me laugh because of the specific ideas you use to create so much intrigue and ambiguity). And second to say I’m not really sure what I was expecting but your intelligence and whit caught me completely off guard. (Possibly if I would have read your profile I would have had a better clue.)

My concluding observation, I apologize for the physical awkwardness. I got the feeling I was invading your personal space a few times. Somewhere between the smile and charm of your intelligence (it sounds cliché-ish, I can’t think of better words) I felt a fondness for you. And I instinctively express that emotion by touch. (Then the self-aware, inner-dialog starts and I wonder if I just made a stranger uncomfortable with to much affection.) So walking out the door was the battling between instinct to say good-bye with a heart-felt embrace, and the inner-dialog that was trying to pick up any body language or words that would let me know if I was making you uncomfortable. And that is an over-analytical view of brief moment.

I thoroughly enjoyed getting to spend a couple hours trying to piece together a composite of such an interesting and attractive person.

Best,
[His name]
[His email]

So I ignored that email, deciding that it wouldn’t be productive to write back, “Thanks, but you’re creepy. Plus, your writing kinda makes me want to gouge my eyes out.” Then three days later, another one:

Just a note that I would love to meet up with you again. Maybe, after my focus can extend beyond my own deadlines. And the phrase that popped in my head was maybe out from under the auspice of affection. Not entirely sure what that implies to you, I just liked the sound and the feeling it conjures “auspice of affection.” Basically, interesting and engaging company is hard to find. And I would look forward to sharing a drink with you again.

[His name]

Then an hour later, yet another message:

Just wanted to extend my invitation to say, maybe the auspice of friendship would be better extended with a facebook invitation. Or my awkward wording aside. If you wanted to add me to facebook I would be delighted, and you might actually get a better feel for who I am.
That is all,
goodnight.

Oh yeah [his full name]. I think you can find me.

Shudder.

Ah, nerds are so cute. Like when they talk about FFT’s in emails, assuming that any intelligent person knows that FFT’s are “Fast Fourier Transforms.” Or when they bring up FFT’s with girls in the first place. Hawt

Tonight is the EFF birthday party. According to Facebook, it’s being attended by one guy I dated, one guy I was set up with but never went out with, and one guy I just started dating. And that’s just who RSVP’d…

Some guy writes:

Thanks for [contacting me]. I’m flattered. And you seem awesome. So, here’s the hitch. I’m going on a trip to Iceland [for three weeks], but I think we should try to get a cup of coffee or something after that. Another slightly tricky thing is that I think you went on a date with my roommate, but that’s probably not of such great import.

I have no clue who his roommate is. But based on very limited demographic data and my willingness to jump to conclusions, my best guess is this guy.

Of course, this is minor compared to a situation I found myself in several years ago. The two guys in questions were not merely roommates, but best friends since elementary school. So that was a total non-starter.

Oh, wow–he owns a DeLorean. You know, the time-machine car from Back to the Future.

Somehow I’m not surprised.

The Date Wrecks blog has conducted an interesting experiment: Dating profiles for two girls (one slutty) and two guys (one slutty) are posted on Craigslist. The nature and volume of replies are recorded. Here are the experimental setup and the results.

It’s OK that he’s divorced…but how divorced is he, if his homepage still links to his wedding album and discusses his ex in his “about me” section?

::shudder::

I know it’s a bit odd to for a second date to occur on New Year’s Eve or to involve a party full of his friends, but I went for it anyway.

Unfortunately, his friends misread our relationship and acted like the in-laws meeting their son’s fiancée for the first time. They eagerly offered hugs–a level of intimacy I hadn’t even experienced with my own date!–and showered me with exclamations of approval and inclusion like “you fit right in!” and “you’re one of us!”

My date apologized for his friends’ overzealous familiarity, but I told him not to worry about it. That was nothing compared to the time I met a mother who started crying out of happiness that her son had found me.