So some dude wrote me this yesterday:

My name is Jose [last name], I am single, and had never married, I did got engaged once (it was my fault that didn’t work, I behaved like a jerk…), I don’t have children (and I pray to God for the opportunity), I am muttering, caring, and can be very gently, and I have a slight wild side as well… but that is reserved for later if you pick me, and we made it that far

I am smart (sometimes I brag about it, but there are many men far smarter than me out there, and I can be annoying), I behave in silly ways sometimes, ok most of the time… like when I go around silly things like offering flowers, enjoyed poetry and making a fool of myself, even in public. I am a hopeless romantic… and I am a meek sometimes, I do wear my pride in my sleeve, I am sensitive to bad criticism from those I love the most.

I am most definitely not a Paul Hogan type of man, I learn my lesson after I got injured lifting and throwing Camp Victory’s generator over the top of a flat bed truck… yeah I know not very smart, I think that if God wanted me to be lifting things I would had been born with hydraulic jacks inside my legs and arms hehehe

I can drink alcohol, but I am not attracted to it, nor I like cigarretes, or tabacco products. I drink coffee, love donuts and chocolate cake even if I must hit the gym for six hours after eating it… I do like to keep myself fit, and toned, but I have a life… in the romantic arena I am a very physical guy, and I like showing affect no matter who is looking! I know scaring… I will even dance in public with no music for you hehehe

When it comes to chose the person with whom I may share the rest of my life and beyond, I believe there is no topic off the table, and only communication, and deep understanding of each other at every level: humor, intellectual, sexual, sensual, spiritual, emotional, and even religious ideology are important and must be explore, and share at the open in conversation… only when we truly understand someone love will set roots, and the relationship will move from simple infatuation from the initial lust, to grow into the life lasting pure love.

Love is all I need, and Love is what I have to offer, I don’t just hook up to get in your pants, I rather get to know you, by talking over the phone, email, or chat. share songs or talking about music and all the possible topics, going out and having a meal over casual conversation, and progress from there to holding hands if it feel appropriated etc… which is dating really, but to me dating never truly ends, and should continue into marriage, and beyond.

I am a bit in the shy side when I first meet anyone, but once I know more about you, you better keep the break at arms reach hehehe not much witty personality than that, that is my weakest point, but could become my strongest side, under the right circumstances

Oh… ough I wrote quite a bit, and don’t want to scare you away with a long message. if you find in your heart to reply and make of this a conversation, this is a great starting point, that will lead us to either Love, friendship, or maybe just a nice conversation that you may remember as “a chat with some crazy guy somewhere online” hey I got the better selection of genes, I am immune to the flu hehehe

I you may or may not have the ability to reply here, if that is so an alternative means to contact me is my eMail just drop me a line to “admin at cybertechie org uk “and I will surely read your message homegirl

Hmmm hasta pronto munequita… o eso espero.

Jose

I didn’t write back, and today I got this:

I am aware the initial sighting of me doesn’t exactly inspire the desire to initiate conversation, but there is much much more to me than what is in display.
Oh excuse my rude behavior! How are you? forgive me, if my introduction is quite dry, I have no excuse, I am not good at introductions. I am a well educated man, with a sometimes darky sense of humor, I am not the strongest, nor the smartest man in this planet, but I am without a doubt the man that need the less to enjoy life, and find the hidden beauty on nature. I am an Electrical Engineer, basically a short sale mix of a physicist, and a mathematician, with an alter ego that is way bigger than myself, and only a few get to meet. I know without a doubt that God exist, and this special knowledge give me the edge. when I open my eyes every morning, and became aware once more of the miracle of life. It doesn’t matter where every particle came from, or where is going the next, in the great scheme of things, matter became only relevant when there is a purpose to its existence… and so we are here.

I am single (not for lack of trying as much as lack of oportunities hehehe), I had never been married, I did got engaged once (it was my fault that didn’t work, I behaved like a jerk…but I had learned ever since), I don’t have children (but I pray to God for the opportunity), I am nurturing caring, and can be gentle (just don’t tell my Army guys that).

I would like very much to get to know you, if that pleased you, we could start with friendship, and allowing room to grow, God may bless us with much much more than we hope for. There is no right or wrong answer, I am here to knock at your gates, and upon answering my call, only you can decide if I may come in, or if I should move on to the next temple…

Jose
if you wish alternative contact information is available
email ” [email address] ” or if you feel brave enough to trust in this stranger my cell number [phone number]

Yeah…not so much.

Offhand, I can recall three times when, in the presence of a suitor, I’ve made an allusion or a joke involving a programming language called Perl. Here were the three responses:

1. Marry me!
2. Oh my god, I think I’m in love.
3. Uh, no, you forgot the slash before the semicolon.

Someone was asking me for updates, so here goes:

• The actually-yes-we-did-have-chemistry guy: I emailed him to say that I think he misread me, but I’m nonetheless open to getting to know him better. He never wrote back.
• The no-photo-for-medical-reasons guy finally clarified his position, sort of. Contrary to the dating preferences stated in his profile, he said “I’m really just looking for friendship mainly, romance possibly… and because of my complicated situation, I don’t have great availability… sigh. that feels better “. I told him I had thought he was looking to date and was sorry to hear that we weren’t looking for the same thing. I never heard from him again.
• And, uh, the kinky skincare entrepreneur apparently died unexpectedly N told me–turns out he’s the 5th guy we’ve dated in common. What a world.

Other than that, no news. And no news is…well, anyway, no news.

So, today I laughed.

Remember when I thought I found some other girl’s stuff in douchey-pretty-boy’s bathroom, and got sulky? Well, I already told you he offered this explanation to reassure me:

He had just gotten back from [Austin], and the dop kit was his. The hairband was used to keep things organized in his dop kit.

He also went on to say this, which I hadn’t mentioned:

I didn’t have a girl over here before I left for Austin. I haven’t had a girl over here since I got back from Austin. You’re the only girl who’s been here.

And technically that’s not a lie because

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

His new girlfriend lives in Austin.

Facebook has just informed me that douche-y pretty boy is in a relationship.

There should be an option on Facebook like “don’t tell me things that are gonna distract me and make me slightly nauseous.”

Oh wait, there is: un-friending. Hm.

It’s been a rough couple weeks (months? years?), so I’m happy to report that there exists a guy who is simultaneously worthwhile and single. He was entering into a relationship with someone else when we met several months ago, but he just started emailing me and–surprise, surprise–he’s single now.

I’m not predicting whether or not anything will come of this. I don’t know. But it’s just so good to be reminded that promising guys exist. I need that right now.

So stomach flu guy meets me at the sushi restaurant…late. He’s wearing a shirt with this image on it. Not that I’m surprised.

We get to talking and recounts his time in Japan (always a good sign). As he begins to tell a story about trying to purchase muffins in the Tokyo train station, I stop him.

“Wait, I know this story.”

“What?”

“There’s a woman behind the register, right?”

“Yes…”

“And there was some sort of miscommunication?”

“Yes…”

“Wait, have we met?!?”

And then it comes back to me. I had met him at a networking event about six months ago. At the time he was wearing a shirt that looked a lot like this.

The guy calls me to set up lunch, and as soon as he starts talking, I can tell by his intonation that he’s awkward beyond belief. This is going to be a disaster.

Then he tells me he just did a successful product launch, and directs me to this site. Now, let’s not mince words. This makes me want to slit my wrists. How can this guy have a PhD? A blind goat that likes myspace could build a better product.

Our cell phone call drops, but he calls back and offers an unsolicited lecture on his insights and concerns about iPhone vs. Android vs. Mobile PC vs. Linux as cell phone operating systems.

I barely say anything other than “uh-huh,” yet he manages to effuse, “Wow, this is so great. I can talk to you about this stuff and you totally get it. I swear I don’t talk like this to most people. I don’t. But you get it.”

I grimace.

He proceeds to schedule lunch, which I now feel powerless to call off. He brings up his stomach flu not once but twice during this portion of the conversation.

Well, at least I know I’ll have plenty to blog about tomorrow. Sigh.

About a week ago, I sent this email to a guy I’d been on a couple dates with:

Hey [guy],

Actually, I’d better pass on [a date on] Sunday after all. For one, I need to spend time…finishing up my taxes. In addition, I can tell you’re a good guy–cute, sincere, super smart–but I’m not quite feeling the click that I know we’re both looking for. Thank you for the invite and best of luck…

[dating don'ts girl]

Now, here’s a first. Check out what he wrote back:

Hey [dating don'ts girl],

I agree with most of this and totally understand. I am a good guy and I also have my own taxes to finish.

But as for that click… I’ve seen you smile too much to think there’s no spark there. I can see the way your face lights up when you laugh, and I don’t think most guys can do that for you. Mostly though, I remember the very last time we parted. You wanted to be cold and shake hands, and I went for the hug instead. The grin you had as we separated was priceless, and I think you were pleased at the turn of events. At that moment, I had that warm feeling inside, even if you might not have noticed.

Truthfully, I think too much time has passed and that moment has been forgotten, even if it’s been just a few short weeks. I can’t say I haven’t been making an effort to keep you close though, but I know you’ve been busy and have been letting you have your space.

I would ask that you re-consider, but I also know the course of lives of many independent women (and men) often leave them without the connection they’ve been looking for. I only have to call upon the current state of affairs for most 1st-world countries for evidence of this. As a piece of advice, this may end up being a recurring theme if one isn’t more aware of it.

With that in mind, I’d still be willing to take the chance to find out more about you. It’s a long process, and it can’t always be figured out just a few months of correspondence and a couple outings. And for the record, I’d like to say that for once, that it’s not the guy who’s afraid of the commitment in doing so.

Have an awesome day,
[The guy]

Jaw-dropping. Is he really telling me I’m wrong when I state that I don’t feel chemistry with him? Can he DO that?

And yet he’s right. I’m not being truly open to the process. He’s not quite my physical type and not quite my personality type, and so I reject him–done, next. Am I doing this dating thing all wrong? Or am I allowed to trust my intuition, even when my intuition simply shrugs, uninspired?

I’d like to point out that someone just commented on the post about the kinky skincare entrepreneur: “I went out with a guy that fits this description. Were his initials S. P., by any chance?”

Yes. Yes they were.