I guess I had been too physically reserved for this fellow’s tastes, because finally he asked me point-blank:
“Are we approaching a sexual relationship? And not in a Zeno’s paradox sort of way?”
True romance, that.
{August 31, 2008}
Case study #12: Zeno’s paradox
{August 25, 2008}
Case study #11: Which one are you, again?
A favorite college memory…
Him: Here, I think you left this at my place. *offers piece of women’s clothing*
Me: Um, that’s not mine.
{August 12, 2008}
Case Study #10: Know thine audience
Ways to violate “know your audience”:
- When you speak on the phone for the first time, continue playing your videogame
- Take her to open mic night so you can show off your amateur guitar skills; preface each song with “you’re gonna love this one” without any knowledge of her musical tastes
- Joke about the middle eastern waiter wanting to poison you because you’re Jewish
{August 7, 2008}
Google and Googlestalking
One of my friends learned the pitfalls of Googlestalking the hard way:
Do: Consider Googlestalking your date.
Don’t: Leave his name prominently displayed in the search box, so he gets weirded out upon going back to your place and realizing you’re a Googlestalker.
What has been your experience with Googlestalking?
{August 2, 2008}
Case Study #9: Drunk dialing
Me: Guess who you called twice last night at midnight.
Him: Oh, sorry.
Me: No, it wasn’t me. So were you drunk, or what?
Him: I’m really, really sorry. I totally don’t remember.
Me: No, listen, it wasn’t me. Seriously–guess who you drunk dialed.
Him: Uh, what?
Me: My mom. You drunk dialed my mom.
—
What’s your experience, if any, with drunk dialing?
{August 1, 2008}
Case Study #8: Broken Spanish is the language of love
Do:
- Possibly order in French at an authentic French restaurant. Maybe. (Frankly, I think this is uber pretentious and you’re best off ordering in English.)
Don’t:
- Order in Spanish at a coffee house just because the guy behind the counter looks Hispanic
- …and try to make chummy jokes with him
- …in your broken, broken Spanish
I was so embarrassed that I made apologetic eyes at the guy behind the counter, then blurted out, “No es verdaderamente chistoso,” confident that my date would have no clue that I was apologizing for his pathetic attempts at camaraderie and humor.
Sure enough, my date smiled an oblivious smile. Like I said, he speaks broken, broken Spanish.
Dating Don'ts 