Case study #24: Yip yip

OK, my life is officially absurd: I’ve now gone on dates with two different guys who have Sesame Street alien costumes.

And of course, they are both documented on YouTube:

#1

#2

When your reputation precedes you

A dear friend recounts a date:

“Turns out he’s a regular in the bar we’re at, so there are all sorts of people coming over and saying hi, which is fine. Except when two of them are walking away, and one says to other, ‘Oh, that’s totally the girl he’s been stalking.'”

Case study #23: Foray into the humanities

I’ve recently gone on a few dates with a humanities grad student. He appears to be a fully functional social creature, so I have less fodder than usual. Meanwhile, I’m left wondering which of my social gaffes he’s recounting to friends.

Still, he’s insanely immersed in his academic niche, so I have enjoyed these little moments from our conversations:

• Kiera Knightly: who’s that?
• Yelp.com: what’s that?
• Convex: what does that mean?

And my favorite: he told me he worked on neoliberalism from the perspective of geography…then proceeded to define “geography” but not “neoliberalism.” Grin.

Same fish in a small pond

Last weekend: host of a party introduces me to B. and says the two of us should go out, not realizing we’d been on an abortive date earlier in the year.

This weekend: another host of another party asks me to give M. a ride to his far-away party, not realizing we’d been on an abortive date earlier in the year.

I think I’ve dated everyone already. Maybe it’s time to become a nun.

Case study #22: Why I’ve dated so few skaters

Him: Hey, sorry I didn’t call you last week about seeing a movie like I promised. I’m an idiot. Let me make it up to you. Let me take you out to dinner, and I’ll pay for that too.

Me: No, no, I’d prefer to pay my half. I’m sorta egalitarian like that.

Him: Egali…what?

Case study #21: Tweet, tweet

On our first date, I excuse myself to go to the bathroom.

I return to find him twittering about me from his iPhone.

A quick glimpse at his twitter profile indicates that 2,718 people have been informed of our date last night.

Case study #20: Romance 2.0

Traditional dating protocol:
1. Make light conversation with girl.
2. Ask for girl’s phone number.
3. Call her to invite her to dinner and a movie.

Modern computer scientist dating protocol, as experienced this weekend:
0. Make light conversation with girl.
1. Instruct girl to message you on Facebook.
2. Ask her “So do u want to see fragments of a movie tomorrow night?” (Translation: “Wanna make out?”)

Case study #19: Brotherly love

Some guy just messaged me on a dating site.

But we already met a couple years ago.

I attended his birthday party.

As his brother’s date.

Online case study #3: Beautiful poem for a beautiful girl

Just received this poem from a stranger on a dating site:

A Beautiful Poem for a Beautiful Girl

You came into my life as an unwelcome face,
Not ever knowing our friendship,
I would one day embrace.
As I wonder through my thoughts & memories of you,
It brings many big smiles & laugher so true.

I love the special bond that we beautifully share,
I love the way you show you really care,
Our friend ship means the absolute world to me,
I only hope this is some thing I can make you see.

Thank you for opening your mind & your soul,
I will do all I can to help heal your hearts little holes.
Remember,
Your secrets are forever safe within me,
I will keep them under the tightest lock & key.

Always remember…
If you’re ever in need,
I will try to be,
The best friend I can possibly be.

Thank you for trusting me right from the start.
You truly have got a wonderful heart
I am now so happy I felt that embrace
For now I see the beauty of my best friends face.

Besides the various misspellings, my favorite part has got to be “You came into my life as an unwelcome face.”

Case study #18: Tea tree oil and gimp masks

What do you make of a guy who, on the first date:

• Declares his intention to start a line of organic skincare products
• Asks how kinky you are, then recounts a story about running into his boss while wearing leather pants and a leash

Is this really my life?

Sigh.